Listen to the original version on Bandcamp

Speaking as a child of the 80s…

The kids of today should defend themselves against the 1980s
It's not reality, just mass-marketed sentimentality

Flipping through the channels and I'm almost done
Find I love the fucking 80s on Vh1
Sweet like honey-dripped triple chocolate cake
Bullshit nostalgia, served up nice and fake
What they don't tell you is the movies sucked
Try expanding your mind and your ass was fucked
What they don't tell you is the music sucked
A few good artists, a whole lot of junk
Whitney Houston, Phil Collins, some kind of curse
What they don't tell you was the tv was worse
Superstation reruns of Gomer Pyle and Ralph Malph
Stupid, racist and that little guy Alf...wait, I liked Alf

Gordon Gekko said that greed is good
On the backs of the poor his followers stood
That Wendy's lady said where is the beef
A b movie actor was commander in chief
Wax on, wax off, I'll be back
Like, oh my god, Grody to the max
Nancy Reagan said just say no
No to the broke, no to the low
Seriously, in 1981 the Reagan USDA declared that ketchup and pickle relish were vegetables for the purposes of cutting nutrition in the school lunch program

The kids of today should defend themselves against the 1980s
It's not reality, just pre-packaged sentimentality

They bombed Honduras, bomb, bombed Grenada
Sold us crack, the smack came later
They bombed Libya, bomb, bombed Iran
Ignored AIDS, Bush was the man
They bombed Panama, bomb, bombed Iraq
Made us all afraid of a nuclear attack
They bombed the media, bomb, bombed the airwaves
Tried to turn us all into mental slaves

They killed John Lennon, Marvin Gaye dead
They killed Andy Kaufman, John Belushi dead
They killed Bob Marley, Ian Curtis dead
They killed television, radio is dead
They killed the movies, art is dead
They killed D Boon, Phil Lynott dead
They killed Gilda Radner, Andy Warhol dead
They killed Alfred Hitchcock, they let Ronald Reagan live? Seriously?

The adults of today should defend themselves against the 1980s
VH1's not reality, just mother fucking sentimentality
It won't work for you, it didn't work for us
A little bit of shiny, and a whole lot of rust

The kids of today should defend themselves against the 1980s
It's not reality, just
mass-marketed
pre-packaged
mother-fucking
freeze-dried
vacuum-packed
state-of-the-art
high-concept
super-sized
cutting-edge
long-lasting
fast-acting
oven-ready
ready-to-wear
built-to-last
user-friendly
toll-free
bite-sized
fully-equipped
order now
don't delay
act now or forever rest in pieces
...sentimentality

Help me, I've fallen and I can't get up

(This song is a sequel to “Against the 70s,” by Mike Watt & Eddie Vedder)