“Surf Rap,” by Professor Rex
The R E X likes S E X
When I come to flex
Haters grab tecs
But my rhymes are bulletproof like an enemy of Lex
Luthor the truth
or your life
I don't need a gun
or a knife
No stress no strife
Who loves me more
Your mama and your wife
Hand me a six of Becks
Casting a lyrical hex
Like Scarlet Witch
I ain't no snitch
Ain't ending up
In a motherfucking ditch
Rather get my kicks
Or catch some flicks
Movies and Bics
Lick her lips
And kiss her tits
I'm taking tips
And teaching tricks
From nine to six
Don't have a car
So don't hit the switch
The ass don't drop
I always cop
Stay away from cops
Harvesting crops
I find shit
Like private dicks
I'm fly like ducks
Don't rob armored trucks
I don't need to steal cash
I drop a few raps
And they pay my ass
Killing beats like Dex
Ter "oh fer shure
You're that rapper guy"
Why don't you
just relax
As I stack
lines on time
With the most
Interesting beats
Ones that gets you
Moving your feets
Hell even all my exes
Like this shit
Even when the child support
Buys a lexis
It won't wreck this
Can't get me hectic
Only bricks I'm dropping
Are verbal
Well maybe herbal
Medicine
For my mind
Becomes the cure
For your brain
I'll make you
Jump around the pain
I'll house you
Wait
Wait
I'm not through
I still want to rock you
You'll try to clock me
But you can't see me
I'm too fast
Built to last
Not built to spill
Built to fill
Up your cup
With envy
I'm what you
always wanted to be
What you need to be
Gotta be
But you can't
But you won't
You don't have
What it takes
To make your way
to rhyme master
No faster
Than a snail
I'll step on your tail
Wait
What
No I won't
I said no more
battle raps
I fell in my own
lyrical traps
Let's get back to
the flow freckles
I'm moving product
Like a British gecko
No not Geico
Nor the shit that'll get you
trapped in Riker's
Words and ideas
Like Birds
And Mexican beans
Those who don't understand
Will heckle
But they can check the dic
Tionairy, but be wary
It's filled with
Big words like
Triskedecaphobia
You know me
My style like
The opposite of
Wile E Coyote
I always get
My road runner
Don't need a stunner
Leave 'em in awe
and in wonder
Wondering how come
I never make a blunder
Even if I fuck up
I suck it up
Buck up
They back up
Continue to
crack em up
I won't slack up
Or sick up
My voice is
my stick up
Weapon
not kept in
A stash box
For the so-called law
Hide it
Just under my hair
Like a flock of seagulls
I ran where
Not even eagles dare
I aint no God damn son of a bitch
I'll bet your random thoughts
don't make you rich
I kick it and knock it
Tick it and tock it
Like a locomotive
Or a rocket
I'm loco
in motion
Perpetually
In fifth dimensions
Independent
in my thinking
And in my drinking
Never stinking
Fresh and fly
We don't die
We multiply
Who what when where how why
You that went there now cry
True fuck send squares to die
They can't handle the truth
Can't stand me
In the booth
Can't follow me
On the stage
So fly they go into a rage
Turn the page
I'm a golden goose
Golden parachute
And they're the minimum wage
I'm smashing these tunes like Joe Klecko
Ripping up a quarter back
You wish you could
pull off
a Rex quarter rap
And while I can
Pay my rent
With just twenty
five per cent
Of my skill
Don't try this at home
You will fail
Not literally going to
metaphorical lyrical
literary jail
Or hypothetical fiery
allegorical hell
Maybe I'll write you
some first grade
25 cent lemonade
Judy Blume rhymes
And you can afford em
when they go on sale
Mechanical animals
Or holographic dinosaurs
Can't stomp me out
I'm about to shout
It out
Shout about
How I know about
Everything from flyweight bouts
To Mickey Mouse
To Hull House
To electoral turnout
To how to get turnt out (for what)
What's up with that
What you cats swing bats and blow gats
But you bore me like Ritz cracker snacks
Silly rabbit
Tic tacs are for cats
Like you with
Breath like doo doo
I don't need to
Bruise crews who
Fuck with me
You see cuz
I'm what's next
Expect
The expected
And the fucking unexpected
I can deliver
In both directions
I can quench your quest
For different things
To think about
And know about
And understand
And command
And I'll put you in
That lyrical lexis
And point you in
The right direction
Guide you through
Life's forks and intersections
Teach you
Interesting ways
To inspect or deck
You foes
With flows
I knows
How the story goes
How your
Imagination grows
How a quarterback throws
How a conducter
Waves the wand
How a hurricane
Grows and blows
Literally
And metaphorically
I'll take you
on tour with me
Shows sure but
Learning and earning
The aforementioned
Title of rap master
And cement that shit
In plaster
In Paris
Or in London
Till were done son
And you're no longer a down clown
Or a vital disciple
But grown ass folks
Lasses and blokes
Pepsis or Cokes
Don't get it vexed
I'm done for now
Come back when
You're ready to rock it
And rap it
And wrap it up
And we'll get our brain on
Until we be gone
Get our drink on
And our smoke on
Until we be gone
And then I'll teach you
How to master
S E X
Like Professor R E X
But that's another song...